THOUGHTS

Growing up in a Nigerian home, I remember watching some Nigerian movies (aka ‘home videos’thumbs-up-emoji-3). Lol, I mean those movies that our aunties and uncles in church used to preach against. They were ever ready to lay hands and pray for those of us that lived for those moments when our parents leave the house, and our nannies take the remote control and look at us like

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And then you’ll get excited even though your parents have banned y’all from watching Nigerian movies. But, you’ll watch it anyway so you can have stories to tell your friends. And come on! Breaking rules is always much more funthumbs-up-emoji-10

Anyway, I honestly believe one of the intentions of producing those kind of movies was to cause children to grow into paranoid teenagers and adults. Lmao, they made us believe that when you’re out on the street or you’re in your hometown, every man you meet is either a kidnapper or a thief and every woman is either a witch or a wizardthumbs-up-emoji-3. Well, they achieved their goal because, sometimes I’m paranoid like thatthumbs-up-emoji-12. Lol we eventually grow out of that thought (and Nigerian movies have changed drastically. Like damn, we should start winning Oscars fam!)

It’s just like most parents telling their children, “Never talk to strangers and never have a boyfriend/girlfriend”. But they somehow want us to get married. Likethumbs-up-emoji-20

 I always thought my parents were cool, as in, they weren’t typical Nigerian parents. But one day, my mum proved me wrongthumbs-up-emoji-10 . I put a guy’s picture as my Whatsapp display photo. It wasn’t just any random guy. The guy was and is my very good friend. Anyway, my mum was in the living room, and I was in my bedroom. I kid you not, she sent me a message on Whatsapp! The conversation went something like this:

MUM: Who is that in your display photo?

ME: My friend.

MUM: Will you remove that boy from your dp now!!!thumbs up emoji 21.jpgthumbs-up-emoji-21

ME: Why?

(I was going to remove it anyway, because I don’t disobey my parents. Well, not on purposethumbs-up-emoji-5. But I just wanted to know why)

MUM: You want people to see a boy as your display photo and begin to think ill of you? 

(And she said some other things about it being irresponsible and how it shows that I lack training and how it was time to for her to start questioning my morals and bla bla bla).

I was in shock because:

  1. It turned out my parents weren’t as cool as I thought. LMAO!
  2. My brain couldn’t just comprehend the whole situation!

ME: Okay. (Then I removed the picture)

MUM: I will tell your father about this.

Okay, if this was, maybe 2008, I would have run to her and began to beg for mercy because, you know you’re in SERIOUS trouble once my mum said she was going to report to my father. Oh my Godthumbs-up-emoji-3thumbs-up-emoji-3.

But unfortunately, that was 2016, and I just said to myself

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That was my exact facial expression.

Lol, I don’t know if she eventually told my father because I’m still waiting for my morals to be questioned by him. But anyway, your parents/guardians will always be your parents/guardians, no matter what the law says. They will always look out for you.

But next time, if my mum tries to scare me by dropping that ‘I’ll tell your father about this/Wait till your father comes home’ punchline….only five words for her

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LMAO!

Thank you for your timethumbs-up-emoji-2Well, cash me on my next post okay?! Okay bye!!!

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THE INTRO

Hello there! And…..thumbs-up-emoji-13

So I started this blog with you knowing little or nothing or just enough about me. So I’m gonna give some basic facts yeah. And with time, I’ll keep updating the listthumbs-up-emoji-2. So let’s go!

Name: Adanna Susan Ihejirikacropped-carrot-1.gif

Nationality: Nigerianthumbs up emoji 15.jpg

Religion: Christianitythumbs up emoji 14.jpg

Age: Almost 18

Date of Birth: 2nd July

Talents: Lol well, I can smell cockroaches from a mile off and even in my sleep. Hey! It’s a self defense adaptation against those irritating creatures. Like how can anything be sooo BROWN.thumbs up emoji 16.jpg (NO OFFENSE TO ALL COCKROACH LOVERS!!)

Musical Abilities: None. But I have the uncanny ability of inserting my name into any     song, and making it flow yo. Like, any song at all!

Languages: English, German, and Nigerian English.

thumbs-up-emoji-3Honestly, it’s not like Nigerian English is a thing. Lol, it’s not as if it’s recognized by the UN or anythingthumbs-up-emoji-10. (P.S It’s different from Pidgin English). It’s basically normal English, but with the wrong use of tenses, phrases, etc. For example:

In Normal English, ‘used to’ is used to indicate something that happened in the past, and isn’t being done anymore. But in Nigerian English, it’s used to indicate a habitual action. E.g: Mr. A: Hey did you flush the toilet after use?

Mr. B: Why are you asking me that? I used to flush the toilet everyday, whenever I’m done!

So yeah. That’s all for basic facts about me in this post.

Some of my best jokes and stories come from conversations with my mum. (Yeah, she’s hilarious-ish). They also come from my childhood: like stuff that happened with me and my siblings while growing up. I have three siblings: two older brothers and a younger sister. Like this story:

*Me as a very little girl* Like 6 years old.

So one day, my immediate elder brother and my sister walk up to me, all creepy and with serious faces, and they’re like

“We’ve found your real father. Haven’t you noticed that you’re the only one with light skin and you don’t look like either mum or dad?”

Me (all scared and shaky because they sounded so sure): Who is my father?

Them: That wrestler, the Great Khali. Haven’t you noticed how both of you look so alike?

And I’m just standing there convinced, and plotting how to pack my bags and leave. I was honestly going to run away to find my ‘father’thumbs-up-emoji-3. But a few days later, they ‘fessed up. If not….. But I might have ended up being found by a celebrity and transformed into a Nigerian Hannah Montana or something. And I honestly look nothing like the Great Khali!

I was very naivethumbs-up-emoji-3

Lol, so conversations with my mum and stories from my childhood, will make regular appearances in my posts. Like I said, they’re some of my best stories.

So, I’ll sign out here. You know the drill: don’t touch that dial ’cause we’ll be right back!thumbs-up-emoji-2 And feel free to like my post(s), comment and follow via e-mail or via WordPress. Cheers!

THE INTRO BEFORE THE INTRO

You know that moment when you’re staring or just looking at an inanimate object, or even an animal, and all of a sudden you see a bit of yourself in that object or animal? It’s like reuniting with a long lost twin.thumbs-up-emoji-4 It’s like, in your previous life, you were a table or a cat or a pear or whatever it is! Lol, it’s definitely not that deep, but you get what I mean yeah?! Anyway, I had that moment with a carrot. Like, I was just staring at it, and maybe it was just how delicious it was; or its orange color; or just how slim it was, but I found a bit of myself in it. Hence the name “THE HUMAN CARROT”. Honestly, Carrot and I, well, we have a lot in common. (And I really like eating carrots).

I remember a day that I was talking with a group of friends, and we were identifying what animal we look most like. Someone told me that I look most like a camel!thumbs-up-emoji-3. HAHAHAHA. no need to fear, because sincerely I look nothing like a camel. Let’s just say that I’m easy on the eyethumbs-up-emoji-5. Something camels aren’t, with their drooping faces and…..thumbs-up-emoji-6

NO OFFENSE TO ALL THE CAMEL LOVERS THOUGH!!!           

So, it’s 2017! Though we are already in the second week of January(at the time this post was published), it’s still a new year. So happy new year everyone!thumbs-up-emoji-8thumbs-up-emoji-9.  This year is a very major year for me because I’m turning the big 18. You know what they say,

THE BEST WAY TO CELEBRATE THE YEAR THAT YOU’RE TURNING 18, IS BY STARTING A BLOG.

-ANONYMOUS

Hence, I started this blog.

Come on! Of the million wise men in the world, at least one of them must have said that!thumbs-up-emoji-10.

This year is major because I finally become legit worldwide. I can now get a driver’s license. It’s not like I have a car to drive though.thumbs-up-emoji-10. Anyway, my mum has been constantly reminding me about how I’ll soon be 18! This scenario:

*Me as a 13 year old*

I accidentally drop a glass plate..

Mum(in the typical Nigerian mum voice): Ohhhhm this girl! you think you’re still a child? I hope you know that you’ll soon be 18!!

And I will just be there like:

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Lmao, so yeah. That’s why turning 18 is a big deal for me.

Well, I think I should sign out now, so I could run off to my other dutiesthumbs up emoji 12.jpg. For now, I can’t give a definite day to expect a new post, but I promise it will be regular and awesome too!

*IN A RADIO PRESENTER’S VOICE*: DON’T YOU TOUCH THAT DIAL, ‘CAUSE WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK!thumbs-up-emoji-2